Friday, July 20, 2007

Well, they said you had a big appetite, but BOTH feet in your mouth at ONCE?

Some people.

I am trying to get my license to practice my field in the state of Florida. It has been a headache. But I am glad to say that now I have all my requirements done and I am just sitting and waiting.

New Mr. Tia and I were talking about me going back to school. I mentioned that I'd like to go back and get trained in another field... you know, add to my repertoire. Well, after going to take a couple classes that were required for my license I realized I wasn't ready to go back to school.

Ever go to a trade like school? Where you have class Monday through Friday? 5 to 6 hours a day? With... the... same... people. Every. Day. Some people are great. And then other people you cannot stand and you focus all your energy trying to get away from them.

Being in this class I watched alot of the students and related alot of them to my classmates that I graduated with just a year ago this weekend. I had the fortune of sitting next to a nice lady with a warm smile. She was older, had graying hair and a fanny pack.

During these classes, frequently we get breaks. Being in these classes can be very monotonous and trying on someone's patience. During break, nice lady and I had a conversation like this:

Lady: This is effing ridiculous. I feel like I'm in effing detention. Tomorrow is going to be an effing cluster-eff... (turning to face me and seeing fear on my face...) Sorry, I had a bad night at work last night and I'm just effing frustrated. (She mentioned her bad night at work about 5 times.)

Tia: Hey it's cool. You know, everyone has their days. Bad night at work? Are you a trucker? (I understand her feeling like she's in detention. A lot of time is a wasted.)

Lady: So why are you here?

Tia: I have to take care of a class before I get licensed. I went to school up north and they say I have to do a few more things before I can practice. That's amazing that you said the eff word as many times as you did in that short amount of time.

Lady: How many hours have you trained?

Tia: By the time all is said and done, I'll have over 1400 hours. (side note: That's alot of hours. the average amount required by a state is about 600)

This is where it gets good.

Lady: Wow. That's alot. There's a thing over there.... (her voice drifts off as she walks me over to a chart of sorts that had every state listed with the hours they require)... North Carolina... so and so many hours... California... Holy Eff! That's a lot of hours!... ... UTAH... Utah... (turns to look at me) WHO. THE. EFF. WANTS. TO. GO. TO. UTAH. ANYWAY? You think those Effing Mormons really want massages anyway? Who would want to massage those effing Mormons?

*This is where I start to get annoyed. I had to think quickly. Do I tell her I'm Mormon just not active? No. That's none of her business. However. She made me uncomfortable this whole time by being in my face, having offensive breath and saying the eff word on a consistent basis. AND she is one of those people that asks you a question but they don't really care to hear the answer because they are so concerned about hearing their own voice to boot. So, there was no place else to sit in the classroom, and now it was my turn to make her a little uncomfortable.

Tia: Actually, we LOVE massages. And when I GO to UTAH to visit my brother and sister, I like to rub their shoulders. And when my brother from Utah came to visit me up north, I gave him a massage and also, his wife. The one he married in a Mormon temple. And my mom... my Mormon mom. She loves massage. She was always hounding me for one while I was in school. My sister... in Utah... works at a spa where they offer massage. There's actually Massage Schools IN UTAH. And the guys that wrote the review book for that National Board you have to take to get your license? Yeah. Guess what? Mormon.

The whole time I'm talking to lady like this I am right in her face. Making sure she can't cut me off or walk away. Looking her right in the eye. There were a few hours left in the class and she had to sit next to me knowing that she had upset me. Tee hee.

Lady: Well, they're ok I guess.

That's all she had. They're ok I guess. Good come back lady. Nice fanny pack.


~j. said...


Queen Scarlett said...

That is awesome. You don't have to go home and think...darn I wish I would've said that. We should all be more like that. ;-)

Julie said...

WOW!!! I wish I could be that quick on the draw!

Kristy said...

That totally rocks! I wish I would stand up to someone like that, that had to feel soooooo good!

AzĂșcar said...

This made my morning.

Florida and the Mormons. Did you hear about the time I got into a fight with a convenience store clerk at a station near Busch Gardens Tampa?
"Yes you can have more than one wife"
"No we CAN'T"
"Yes, you CAN"
"No, we CAN'T"

Cardine said...

That was so delightful to read. Thanks!

compulsive writer said...

I love that you were looking her right in the eye when you said that.

When we moved to Oregon from Utah my dad went across the street to talk to a guy on a tractor. The guy noticed our Utah plates and said, "Are you one of those damn Mormons?" My dad looked him square in the eyes and said, "Yes I am."

The guy looked at my dad, stuck out his hand for a shake and said, "Me too. Glad to know ya!"

the coolest tia said...

Oh, the stories of Florida and Mormons. They make me laugh. Matter o' fact, I could do a post on another encounter I had.

Queen~ you have no idea how proud I was that for once, I didn't get in my car or go home and say, "Dang it! What I should've said was this..." I was pleased beyond pleased. I must've had a V8 that morning.

Azu~ I should've thrown in "my brother's ONLY wife" while I was at it because YOU KNOW she was thinking that too.

b. said...

I want a massage right now from a man with big.......pecs.
Will they revoke my recommend?

sue-donym said...

We can get massages?!

La Yen said...

You are my favorite.