Thursday, April 17, 2008

Dear Prudence

When I open up my Internet Explorer, is my home page. I like it because it has the latest headlines and then some. Sometimes it has Dear Prudie, an advice column of what is and what isn't prudent. I have clicked on the link because sometimes, the column is about things I am experiencing at the time... things like, how to deal with a difficult boss, how to deal with a bridesmaid that just isn't that into her duty as a bridesmaid... etc. However, the articles never really relate to exactly what I am dealing with, but they are entertaining to read.

So now, I ask you, my readers, all four of you, for advice on how to deal.

Dear Readers,

My husband has a friend that has been his friend since he moved here almost 13 years ago. I met friend... (we will call him "Crazy" for anonymity sake) years ago when I was dating my husband. Then, slowly, Crazy went through some issues that kept him highly medicated, hospitalized at one time and and he even went almost 2 and a half years without setting foot in a grocery store or pharmacy. His girlfriend stuck by his side through all of this.

Since his girlfriend had the ultimate goal of getting married and having children, when Crazy told her he was never marrying her or fathering her children, rightfully, she left. He has since moved back to our neck of the woods.

Now that Crazy is back, he has been stopping by our house. I hadn't seen him since before I had moved here. It was nice to see him and I am all about trying to help people overcome whatever may cause them sadness.

Long story short: He has not stopped stopping by. I frequently come home from work and he is here. One time my husband told him it wasn't a good time, that we were about to eat dinner and we didn't have enough for three. Not getting the hint, he offered to sit outside on the porch until we were done.

I like the golden rule. I like to treat people the way I want to be treated. HOWEVER... when I am nice to him, he takes it as an open invitation to be at our house whenever he wishes. When I am rude, he only comes over when I am not there and leaves before I get home.

I think the one thing that gets me is that when I do come home and he is there, he thinks it's funny to call me pet names. I have walked in the house hoping to see my husband and I hear a whiny voice say, "Hi honey". Not what I wanted to hear. I walked in the house the other day after receiving some upsetting news from my sister and I was crying. He said, "Baby, what's wrong?" This is terribly disturbing.

My husband has told him that it is inappropriate that he talks to me that way, but he doesn't seem to get the hint. My husband and I are all about helping others in need and we understand that Crazy just needs friends. But this is too much. I already have planned what I will say the next time he makes me uncomfortable, but I don't like being mean in order to get a point across.

What can I do?

Throwing up in my Mouth in LA


ClistyB said...

I am sensing Crazy isn't as charming as Owen in You, Me & Dupree.
Really don't think you should have to do anything. This is all your husband's thang. He has to tell him that it's not okay to drop by without calling first, and even then, the visits have to be few and far between. Tell him that you two are newlyweds and all that jazz and just want to be alone.
Your husband will probably have to do this more than once and each time will have to get more and more rude, but at some point you have to say, hey bro beat it.

~j. said...

Not getting the hint, he offered to sit outside on the porch until we were done.

Oh, he gets the hint. He's being extremely manipulative. It's not rude of "Good Old Reliable Mr. and Mrs. Tia" to prioritize their marriage and their together time. I like what clistyb said: have NMT give him the whut-whut, because maybe they can duke it out in a non-emotional way.