Some Hump Day Humor

*Author's note, there is a bad word in this post. I have had some funny things happen to me over the past couple of days. I always think that I should share them on my blog and after calling ~j to report funny situations, the idea is right. Post it. I fell in love with Costco while visiting ~j. Thing is: Costco there is nice. It is flooded with young mothers, cute children, happy staff. Last year, New Mr. Tia and I got a membership when he was Soon To Be New Mr. Tia. I love the deals there. I love the fact that I can buy 50 one hundred calorie Kudos for less than ten bucks. I love that they send me coupons that I use. My friend told me about another new warehouse to go to... No, not Sam's Club. I will actually be going as her guest tomorrow to check it out. She made the point that this place has benefits, like, self checkout which means open lines which, in turn, means no more lines of 20 people deep at the TWO cash registers that are open. So yesterday, needing oxi clean and bottled water, I head to Costco. The thing about Costco here is that you can't just go there for one thing unless that one thing is so important you will spend more time waiting in line to pay for said thing for almost as long as it took you to get there. I got my stuff, plus a way cute shirt to add to my "trying to be transformed wardrobe". I head to the line and wait. And wait. I am almost to the front of the line and my cart is pulled by a nice man with a nice smile and a name tag... "Follow me...", he says. So I follow, and he gets all my items turned so he can scan the barcodes and send me on my way. While turning my items, an older gentleman jumps in the line... OG: "I have been waiting for chicken for an hour." (right now, I am wishing I could mock the voice he spoke in) Cashier: "Oh yeah?" OG: "A whole hour. How come she can go ahead of me?" Cashier: "She was waiting in line sir. Longer than you. You just can't jump in front of her in line." OG: "But I have been waiting. An hour. For that chicken." Cashier: "I understand sir, but rules are rules. It's called courtesy." OG: "I bet if I had tits and a nice face, I would get special treatment too." At this point, I have cashed out and gotten everything in my cart and I turn and say... (with a sympathetic look on my face) "Oh... But I like your face." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lap dog buckled into a cart at Target. Nuff said... yet brings me to another story.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Driving to work one morning and see a vehicle in front of me with a plastic bag hanging out of the passenger side door. Just waving in the wind. I pull up to the car to alert the driver only to see her. Sitting there. Smoking a cigarette. And petting her cat. That is sitting on her lap as she is driving. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Not all of us here in Southwest Florida have the luxury that New Mr. Tia has. He works two blocks from our house. Frequently, he will come home unannounced for this, that and the other. The door to our home is a large one that is heavy and you have to push hard to shut. This morning, while showering, I heard the door slam. I said, "Honey?" No answer. "Babe?" Nothing. Remembering that it is Wednesday and Wednesday is the day we call each other Sugar Bear... ok not really... I called his name once more and no answer. Did I mention I watch way too many crime shows? Thinking the worst, I hurry to get out of the shower and try to figure out what I have in the bathroom to defend myself against who might be stealing my tv. Oh wait, the tv is still on. And I live in Florida. And they are covering the landing of space shuttle Atlantis right now. And the "door slamming" I heard was actually what we call down here a sonic boom. Phew.