Don't ever stay with a man who says he just has a friend

One year ago,
We took a vow.
To spend today like this,
I wanted not how.

"She's just a friend", you say.
"It's not what you think".
To question my intelligence,
Well, you're just a dink.

"They can get through it..."
"...if not then she's dumb."
Well, Critics, this is something
I can't overcome.

You wanted to work
On communication and interaction,
But guess what?
You can't work on you marriage
When you have a distraction.

I love you,
But I love me more.
You effed up,
So I walked out the door.

I thought we would grow old,
Like, into our 80's.
But you decided
To drive off in a Mercedes.


That was just an impromptu poem I decided to write. That's right... Today is my one year anniversary and how am I spending it? Filling out dissolution of marriage papers. And going to the funeral home. The two events are not connected.

I am a statistic. I am on the huge percentages of Americans that gets divorced in the first year of marriage. But as a friend of ~j's told me last night, "I'd rather be that statistic than the statistic of the ones that have no strength or mind of their own and stay with the guy knowing he's doing what he is doing and knowing they're unhappy for the rest of their lives."

There have been good days and there have been bad. But the good days totally outweigh the bad. But I also know that as time goes on, I know it will only get better and the bad days will get less and less. But I also know that the tears that come on those bad days are nothing compared to the tears that would fall if I had stayed.

Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive, and to those of you that don't get it, you can suck it.



ps: If you didn't get the last stanza of the poem... said car also shares a name with said "friend"

Bizarro de Mayo

Remember my post about Sarrie? (insert link here if I knew how to do so)

Sarrie and I have always had the joke that the month of May has always been crazy. Therefore, instead of Cinco de Mayo, we celebrate Bizarro de Mayo. Since 2005, May has always been the month we dreaded. We kept a log one year and read back on it and laugh our tooshes off. That month of May started early... April 28, I believe and ended on the best note, as the 31st of that year, my sweet sweet niece Eliza was born.

Each year since, we have always laughed at the month of May.

Well............................ Let ME tell YOU...

Bizarro de Mayo, as usual, started early this year. Way early. Like... 2 AM on Friday, April 25. I'll spare the details, but that's when it started.

Author's note: This is big reason behind why I haven't posted in a good month or so.

ANYWAY... April 25 was a crazy day. In laws were visiting, I had to go to work... blah blah blah. I came home for dinner and barely ate. The 26 was about the same. I had a protein bar and that was about it. Not much of an appetite. Then I went to a bachelorette party on the beach and stayed in a hotel with a girlfriend. The 27, I talked to Sarrie. She was planning a trip to come and visit on Wednesday, the 30 and we discussed aforementioned visit. Are you getting all this?

Sunday the 27 was also "Confrontation Day". That was the day I explained to New Mr. Tia my loss of appetite and sleeplessness and distance over a few days. I asked him who she was and why he was doing what he was doing. He was at a loss. Didn't know what to say. Did nothing to vindicate himself and instead of trying to explain, he protected her.

Wednesday, the 30 of April, New Mr. Tia left and went to NC for a golf trip. And Sarrie flew in. I picked her up at the airport and we had lunch. And then we went to my "house" and started packing my stuff.

Days went by, I went to my job and gave a very short notice where my boss was very supportive (thanks, Vin). And I said my goodbyes. Sunday, May 5th, Sarrie and I packed up my car and left before New Mr. Tia got back from NC.

He didn't believe it to be true and was sending me text messages telling me he'd see me soon. Little did he know I was almost to the Georgia border.

Cinco de Mayo... I pulled into my hometown. There's a lot to be said about the fact that I only cried when pulling out of my Florida driveway and pulling into the town I'm from.

May 10... I flew out to see ~j. and family. What a great time we had. I love my sister more than I can express. Her support and love is indescribable. That goes for the rest of my family as well.

I have had a pretty decent month if I do say so myself.

I am working to put my life back together right now. For the first time in a while I can say that May has treated me pretty well.

Everyone needs a family like mine and a Sarrie to boot.

Love ya!

Re-group

Hi Everyone,

I know it has been almost a month since my last post. I have good reason. I am not ready to talk about it right now. Other posts would have been made, however, my mind has been basically consumed with one major thing. I will let you all know when I am back in action.

All four of you loyal readers. (*snicker snicker*)

But now, I have to resume my duty of cuddling ~j's kids. The best job ever.

Dear Prudence

When I open up my Internet Explorer, msn.com is my home page. I like it because it has the latest headlines and then some. Sometimes it has Dear Prudie, an advice column of what is and what isn't prudent. I have clicked on the link because sometimes, the column is about things I am experiencing at the time... things like, how to deal with a difficult boss, how to deal with a bridesmaid that just isn't that into her duty as a bridesmaid... etc. However, the articles never really relate to exactly what I am dealing with, but they are entertaining to read. So now, I ask you, my readers, all four of you, for advice on how to deal. Dear Readers, My husband has a friend that has been his friend since he moved here almost 13 years ago. I met friend... (we will call him "Crazy" for anonymity sake) years ago when I was dating my husband. Then, slowly, Crazy went through some issues that kept him highly medicated, hospitalized at one time and and he even went almost 2 and a half years without setting foot in a grocery store or pharmacy. His girlfriend stuck by his side through all of this. Since his girlfriend had the ultimate goal of getting married and having children, when Crazy told her he was never marrying her or fathering her children, rightfully, she left. He has since moved back to our neck of the woods. Now that Crazy is back, he has been stopping by our house. I hadn't seen him since before I had moved here. It was nice to see him and I am all about trying to help people overcome whatever may cause them sadness. Long story short: He has not stopped stopping by. I frequently come home from work and he is here. One time my husband told him it wasn't a good time, that we were about to eat dinner and we didn't have enough for three. Not getting the hint, he offered to sit outside on the porch until we were done. I like the golden rule. I like to treat people the way I want to be treated. HOWEVER... when I am nice to him, he takes it as an open invitation to be at our house whenever he wishes. When I am rude, he only comes over when I am not there and leaves before I get home. I think the one thing that gets me is that when I do come home and he is there, he thinks it's funny to call me pet names. I have walked in the house hoping to see my husband and I hear a whiny voice say, "Hi honey". Not what I wanted to hear. I walked in the house the other day after receiving some upsetting news from my sister and I was crying. He said, "Baby, what's wrong?" This is terribly disturbing. My husband has told him that it is inappropriate that he talks to me that way, but he doesn't seem to get the hint. My husband and I are all about helping others in need and we understand that Crazy just needs friends. But this is too much. I already have planned what I will say the next time he makes me uncomfortable, but I don't like being mean in order to get a point across. What can I do? Sincerely, Throwing up in my Mouth in LA

To All You Diamonds Out There...

I love April. It's a great month. I have always looked forward to April because that meant, the snow would melt after a harsh winter, spring break vacation, new fun clothes, driving with the windows down and the music up... you know what I mean. Now that I live in Florida, I don't have to worry about the snow and all the months run together and I never really know what time of year it is, just the day of the week. The thing I love most about April... The birthdays. Yes, the birthdays. It starts on the 2nd and doesn't stop. And I am not saying, "Boo hoo, I have so many birthdays to remember this month." I remember all of them. Every year, at the end of March, I set out on a big shopping trip. New Mr. Tia laughs because it's like Christmas for us again. We have 10. That's right, ten birthdays to remember in April. And only 2 of those ten are close friends. The rest of those birthdays are family. This, my friends, is the price I pay for having my birthday the same week as Christmas. That has always been my reasoning. That, and if you're into astrology, Aries and Capricorns are very compatible. All but one of my important birthdays to remember are Aries. (Sorry, Tito) What month do you love?

Things that keep me up at night.

It is 6:25 AM. And I have been up since 4:15. I can't sleep. You know what woke me up? My hands. They itch. Like a something that rhymes with itch. I have had this condition for a little over 4 months now. It started as something small and has now spread down my wrists. I thought maybe I was allergic to the chemicals they cleaned my wedding ring with since this irritation was only confined to my left ring finger. Then is spread to my left little finger. Then my right middle finger. And down my wrists and to my arms. I have sought treatment at a local clinic and have gotten a steroid. When on the medication, I'm golden. The minute I discontinue it, the itching comes back. Not so good for a Massage Therapist, you know? The thing is, it isn't contagious, so I can continue to work. I have been watching the different products I use at work and have kept an eye on the condition, but I can't pinpoint what it could be. It got to the point that my fingers itched so bad that my ring finger swelled and I had to have my wedding band cut off. I have now been on this medicine twice and was told if it acts up again, I will be referred to a dermatologist. So I have been online shopping for health insurance. That's right. I don't have any and just received word that I don't work enough to get it through my job. The fact that I don't work enough is not by choice. I went to the dentist a few weeks ago and have a $2500 estimate of work that needs to be done. Again, no insurance. Sweet. When I go to work, I sometimes feel as though I am living my own real life version of the movie Mean Girls. I know that ~j. loves that movie, but to live it really hurts at times. ~j. has to take Bubbity Boo Bah to Salt Lake today. I really hope that things go well. It seems like forever ago she told me they were going for the test and now the time is here. I'll be impatiently waiting to hear how that goes. Why does NMT have to snore like that all the time and why is it that when I get out of bed because I can't sleep from his snoring, he decides that's a good time to stop the snoring? And why am I noticing that that was a total run on sentence and I'm not going to do anything about it? Early morning, April 4 Shot rings out in the Memphis sky Free at last, they took your life They could not take your pride Did you know that that part of the U2 song is about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.? Friday marks the 40th anniversary of his death. Just a little random trivia for you. My inlaws are coming. In two weeks. I have to get the house together. I don't want to rush around at the last minute trying to get everything together. Lists upon lists upon lists. Sarrie comes right after that. I wish that I could take more time off of work to spend with her, but I can't and she is cool with that. I am so glad that I don't have to work today so I can take a nap later. I know I'll be tired later on. And there you have it folks, the things that run through my head when I can't sleep.

Haven't you always wanted a monkey?

*All apologies, this spacing thing is driving me crazy. Also, the paragraphs were spaced and when I tried re-spacing them, Blogger didn't cooperate.

It's an age old question: WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY? It's always a good question to ask, I guess if you run out of stuff to talk about. I always think about it when I pass billboards or see the new Florida Lottery commercials where they tell you that if you play an extra dollar, you can add 10 million dollars to the jackpot. If you play 2 extra dollars, you can add 25 million to the jackpot. Of course, adding that money would not increase your chances at winning. You see shows about the "Curse of the Lottery", talking of people that win and lose the money within years of winning. You hear great stories of people winning with the last dollar they had to their name. I'm a normal hard working person and I wanna win. If I won the lottery... just for numbers sake, we'll say 58 million dollars. The first thing I would do is quit my job. Not because I don't like working, but because I would like to open up my own place, use my own ideas and make my own rules. Next, I would pay off my brother's mortgage, and my sister's mortgage as well as provide adequate vehicles for both them and their spouses. I would purchase a home on the lake in Southwestern New York where I can go when I go back to visit and my family can stay there whenever they go too. I would tell my parents to go anywhere... anywhere in the country and find exactly where they want to live. I would buy a lot and build them a house; one that has floors and a foundation that stands firm. All of my nieces and nephews would want for nothing. They would not be spoiled by any means. However, I would be sure that they received the best education possible. This doesn't mean they will not understand the meaning of a dollar. I will pay for their education, but will ask for grades every semester. If they are not passing or if grades are slipping, they will be cut off. If I had the money, I would also book flights whenever I wanted to go see my seester and brother as much as possible. I miss them like crazy. I would fly to see ~j. when things happen like Bubby breaking out into hives/rashes/delirium just to take the girls on a special date so she can have some respite. I would buy my grandfather a driver to take him to and from anywhere he needs to go. I would also purchase said driver a home near Gramps so he is at his dispose whenever he needs. I'd be sure my friends were taken care of.

These are a few things I would do. Of course, I would have to pay the taxes on the winnings, leaving me with probably only half of what the jackpot is, but still, I think I'll still have enough to do that.

I won't need to pay for a lawyer because his retainer will be taken care of when I pay off his mortgage.

I guess if I want to win, I better start playing.

What would you do?